What do you like?

Notes and questions on 'taste'

A few weeks ago, my husband and I went to a Polish diner and I couldn’t decide which soup to order; the Matzo Ball or split pea. When I asked the waitress what she recommended, her answer surprised me.

“I don’t know what you like,” she said, and then left to grab the check for another table so I could have a moment to decide for myself.

My husband and I looked at each other and laughed. The waitress was absolutely right—how could she know what I might enjoy if she didn’t know me at all?¹

It’s funny how one interaction can stick in your mind. Since then, I’ve started to notice all the moments I rely on others to tell me what I want.

I try recipes the algorithm suggests on Instagram. I watch Netflix shows that surface based on what I’ve already seen. When I get dressed in the morning, I can’t tell if I’m wearing something I want to, or an outfit based on what I’ve seen other, trendier women wear.

It’s one thing to trust recommendations—especially of industry experts, or those you admire². But it’s another to do so blindly, in a rush, without much attention to your own thoughts on the matter.

Kurt Vonnegut once said, “the most damning revelation you can make about yourself is that you do not know what is interesting and what is not.”

While simply trying to order a bowl of soup, I think I may have had Vonnegut’s damning revelation…

I’m having—to put it dramatically—a crisis of taste.

One thing I know I like—the mosaic tiles in Alphabet City

In brainstorming how to recover—or relearn—my sense of taste, I couldn’t help but remember the very last question Kat Tang asked at Laura Venita Green’s book launch: What do you like about your writing?

What a concept! As artists, and people, we aren’t always prompted to pause and reflect on the ‘good’. But noticing what we like seems to be the first step to understanding our own style, taste, personality, self.

So as spring approaches, I’ve decided to ask myself more questions like this one. If you’re also experiencing Vonnegut’s revelation or simply looking to reconnect with your own taste, here’s where I’m starting:

• What do you like?

  • Collect the things you find interesting. This could mean making a note in your phone or creating a digital or analogue scrapbook of photos.

• Why do you like it?

  • Perhaps the hardest question. Sometimes we don’t know until there’s a pattern. Plus, there’s always the risk of killing something beautiful—like the feeling a tile mosaic gives you—when analyzing it too much. But we must ask why in order to understand…

• What do you dislike?

  • Ironically, sometimes this one is easier to answer. When I was looking for my wedding dress, I had no idea what I wanted, so I started by eliminating styles I didn’t like. In a roundabout way, knowing what we dislike can help lead us to what we find interesting.

Wishing you a happy weekend wherever you are, whatever you like.

Charlee

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Other inspiration & tidbits

• Kyle Chayka’s book Filterworld: How Algorithms Flattened Culture would be an interesting read if you’re looking for more of a deep dive on the ways ‘algorithms have rewired our interests’ (NYT Book Review).

• Grace Ann Leadbeater is launching Fig Spit, an artist book on her time in Lacoste on March 11th from 7-9pm at Thayer in the East Village.

• Spruceton Inn / Casey Scieszka will be chatting with Isaac Fitzgerald on March 17th at Books Are Magic to launch her lovely, supernatural debut novel The Fountain.

1. This isn’t to say that some waiters/waitresses don’t make stellar recommendations!

2. For example, I love talking with booksellers <3